catnip calamity
by YaoiCommanderForever
Summary: Just another normal day for the espadas of Hueco Mundo... that is to say with lots of chaos caused by one pissed off Quinto espada, one meddling Octava espada, and one unlucky Sexta espada. Will the Sexta be able to survive what they have planned? warning: cursing, mentions of nudity, drug use


"I'm so fucking sick of that motherfucker Grimmjow!" Nnoitra snarled as he stormed through the hall of Los Noches "I can't believe that fucker Aizen is letting his bullshit slide!".

"Something the matter Nnoitra-kun?" a sly voice asked off to his left. Looking that way Nnoitra saw Szayel, the resident crazy scientist.

Nnoitra snarled and spat "It ain't none of your business ya pink freak!".

"Hm very well then, I was going to offer a way around Aizen-sama's rules to get back at the Sexta but since you don't want it" Szayel commented, turning to go.

"Whoa hold it there asshole what ya mean ya know a way to get at him" Nnoitra called, hurrying up to him; his curiousity always got the better of him.

"I was going to suggest something to humiliate our feline "friend" that would not cause any harm to anyone so therefore wouldn't be against Aizen-sama's rules" Szayel offered lightly as if he was talking about the weather.

"Spill pinky" was all Nnoitra said, he wanted to hear what the plan was before he agreed to anything.

"There is a type of plant in the human world that greatly effects the feline species, like a drug; it can stimulate their systems and cause them to either act energetic and playful or it can cause them to be lazy and drozy but from most of the reports I have read the first is the more likely to occure" Szayel informed in his way he always used to explain something of scientific nature.

Nnoitra listened and his frowned deepened then he said "how's this gonna get back at that fucker?".

Szayel sighed and adjusted his glasses "the Sexta is a feline hollow so the plant should work on him making him act completely out of character and therefore in a most humiliating way in front of every espada and Aizen-sama himself".

Nnoitra's frown turned into a shit eating grin as he looked down at the smaller of the two "when can we do it?".

"I would say the next meeting which just so happens to be tomorrow" Szayel informed with a small up turn of his lips "I shall aquire the plant tonight".

Nnoitra cackled gleefully and went off on his own way, eager for the next meeting to arrive.

~time skip~

Grimmjow grumbled in irritation as he stormed his way to the meeting room that was always used for these types of routin bullshit meetings. Frankly the only thing he wanted right now was a nap. Grimmjow had been tossing and turning all night, a feeling of foreboding creeping over him that he didn't like one bit; he knew something was up because his gut feelings were never wrong. Pushing the door open he walked over to his chair and plopped down in it.

"Ah Grimmjow, I see you have finally decided to show" Aizen spoke from his spot at the head of the table.

Jeez was he really that late? He gave a grunt of aknowledgement and grabbed his tea cup, taking a wiff then downing the drink; he may not be a big tea fan but he would take anything he could get with caffeen in it at the moment. Grimmjow felt a strange tingling feeling run through his system and he blinked a couple of times as his vision became slightly hazy; what the hell was in that tea?

Grimmjow glanced around, noticing everyone else's attentions on Aizen as he began to talk again. He looked down at his cup for a moment then shrugged and grabbed the pot that sat in front of him, pouring him some more. The feeling didn't feel all that bad, actually it gave him a warm tingly feeling he never felt before but kind of liked. He took another drink of his tea, the scent drifting to his nose; hm smelled like... green tea and mint? He had to blink his eyes a few more times because everything around him seemed to change, not like shapes or colors or anything but how he saw them.

Usually the moment Grimmjow looked at someone he hated them instantly but now as he looked around at everyone he felt a sort of playfulness run through him, as if he wanted to get up from his chair to run around and act crazy. Suddenly something caught his attention and he glanced in the direction it was in. There on the table was a red spot that seemed to move every few seconds. His eyes narrowed in on it and he felt his muscles twitch, he needed to get that spot. He put his cup down and hunkered slightly in his chair, preparing to pounce on that spot.

Aizen had been in the middle of talking about strategy when suddenly a rumbling noice cut through the air. Everyone looked around in confusion until eyes were slowly drawn to the source. Everyone looked to where Grimmjow was seated and noticed his hunched form with confusion. "Grimmjow is there something the matter?" Aizen asked, as calm and collected as ever. When he got no word fromt he arrancar a small frown tugged at his lips and he was about to speak again but before he could Grimmjow suddenly flew from his chair onto the table, the rumbling sound becoming louder.

Quite a few of the espada watched in disbelief as the hot headed bluenette pounced onto the table, some letting out cries of surprise and indignation. Several of them jumped from their seats as things were knocked into the floor. "Grimmjow just what is the meaning of this?" Aizen tried again but got no answer. Instead Grimmjow started running around the table as if he was chasing after something. He would pounced but then continue on running, his eyes constantly looking around.

Grimmjow didn't know why he needed to all he knew was he needed to catch that spot. His eye twitched as he pounced on it again but again it escaped him. He growled in annoyance, the sound similar to that of his panthers growl. Nothing penetrated his mind but that dot; not the shouts, not the laughs, and not the calls from Aizen demanding answers from him. For a moment the spot disappeared and he glanced around in confusion as to where it went. Then he saw it moving about Aizen's chest and he fixed his sights on him.

Aizen was getting frustrated as the mess grew bigger and still Grimmjow did not answer him. Suddenly the Sexta paused and looked around in confusion and Aizen thought that maybe now was a time to get answers from him. He was going to speak when he noticed the sudden attention on him from the espada. Looking Grimmjow in the eyes he noticed that the espada's pupils had expanded and almost covered the blue retna of his eyes. Before he knew it Grimmjow had tensed and pounced straight at him. He hadn't expected it so it took him a moment to shunpo away from his seat, Grimmjow knocking it over and crashing to the ground.

Grimmjow looked around for the light and suddenly there it was zig zagging along the floor. He chased after it, a purr rumbling deep in his throat as his senses continued to spike. He chased it under the table and around peoples chairs and feet, some exclaiming in anger some in surprise and some in amuement.

Everyone watched as Grimmjow continued running around the room, making a further mess. None of them knew what to make of the scene because frankly it was confusing the hell out of them. "Has anyone noticed any strange behavior from him before the meeting?" Aizen demanded and everyone shook their heads. Aizen narrowed his eyes as he surveyed his espada to see if anyone was telling a lie. "Something was done to Grimmjow and I want answers" he spoke firmly.

"I believe I may know what has happened Aizen-sama" Szayel spoke calmly as he watched Grimmjow chase after the light. "If you have answers Szayel then please, share" it wasn't a request.

"It seems that someone has spiked Grimmjow's tea" Szayel informed "I had noticed a change in his behavior after he drank it".

"So you are saying that someone here is responsible for this mess" Aizen said.

"Possibly" Szayel agreed.

"Can you tell what it is that was used to drug him?" Aizen said as he glanced at the Sexta who was still trying to catch the light, he had to admit that it was sort of amusing to see the usually pig headed arrancar act like a typical cat.

"From his actions, the enlarged pupil, and taking into account that no one else has been affected I assume it to be a plant from the human world know as catnip; a common treat humans buy for their pet cats to make them playful or relax depending on the cat" Szayel informed as he took a sip of his tea.

"So then this plant is harmless?" Aizen said as he reclaimed his seat.

"Quite harmless though considering Grimmjow is a hollow and not an acutal cat there is no telling how he will feel once the effects wear off" Szayel informed. Aizen made a thoughtful noise and watched as Grimmjow paused in his running around, the arrancar looked around in confusion as the light disappeared. He went searching for the light, stalking around the room while his eyes continuesly moved about.

Grimmjow paused as a smell caught his nose and he sniffed the air, it was that same smell of green tea and mint from his cup. He searched for the source of the smell and paused at a chair, the smell was coming from it. He rubbed at the chair and tried to push the person sitting in it away, they needed to fucking move so he could get at that smell. He scrabbled into the chair and pushed more at the person that was fighting to push him out of the chair. He growled and shoved them out of the chair before curling up in the seat and rubbing against it.

Everyone laughed at the comical sight of Grimmjow and Aizen fighting for the chair and they laughed even harder when Grimmjow shoved him out of it and curled up in the seat. Aizen glared at the purring arrancar and snapped "Szayel, explain".

Szayel calmed his chuckles and answered "it seems someone has covered your chair in catnip Aizen-sama". Aizen watched Grimmjow as he squirmed in the seat and nuzzled the cushions, purring and growling fiercly.

"While a change to Grimmjow's normally brash behavior is welcome this is far to extream, if I find anyone using this plant on him again they will be punished for it" Aizen said as he got up from the floor "I will need someone to get Grimmjow to his room and make sure he stays there until this wears off, I doubt he will be able to get there on his own at the moment".

He glanced around the table and his eyes landed on Starrk "Since you would be the least likely to cause trouble I am appointing you in charge of him". Starrk grumbled in annoyance at being forced to babysit but didn't refute Aizen's order. "Meeting dismissed" Aizen said before leaving the room, everyone following him but Starrk. Grumbling again Starkk got up and shuffled over to where Grimmjow was curled up in the chair.

He had to admit it was a nice change from the way Grimmjow usually acted but it was still kind of weird to think a plant could do this to such a bloodthirsty beast like the Sexta. Shaking his head Starrk said "come on Grimmjow, let's get you to your room so I can take a nap". When Grimmjow didn't move from the chair Starrk growled in annoyance, damn it he was going to have to carry him.

He moved over to the chair and reached down, grabbing Grimmjow around his waist to haul him away from the chair. Grimmjow stiffened as a new smell came to his senses, the smell of a dog. A high pitched growl left his throat and he hissed when he felt limbs wrap around him. He clung to the chair and squirmed as whoever it was was trying to pull him away from that smell. Starrk hadn't expected to get a growl or a hiss from the Sexta. Groaning in annoyance he tried to lift him away only for Grimmjow to cling to the chair and try to kick out of his grip. "I'm going to kill whoever did this" he grumbled as he yanked the cat like espada away from the chair; big mistake. Suddenly he had a face full of claws and sharp teeth as Grimmjow turned and attacked him.

Yelping in surprise Starrk stumbled back and fell to the floor, Grimmjow landing on top of him. Cursing Starrk struggled out from under the irritated cat man and flipped their positions so he could pin the other. Sure Starrk is the Primera espada when it came to spiritual pressure and what not but Grimmjow was a brute when it came to physical strength so it took everything Starrk had to pin him down. "Damn it Grimmjow quite trying to rip my face off" he snapped, his infinate patience growing thin. Grimmjow writhed and wriggled under him, trying to flail his limbs so he could knock the other off.

"Need some assistance?" a voice asked and Starrk glanced up to see the Octava espada.

"Why are you still here Szayel?" Starrk asked with a grunt.

"Well I figured you would need a bit of hand considering your hollow side is a dog and cats hate dogs if I am not mistaken, in the state Grimmjow is now he thinks you are nothing more than a simple dog" Szayel explained with his hand's folded behind his back. Starrk growled in annoyance, great just great that was all he needed.

With another grunt Starrk agreed "fine just help me out here before I lose my grip on him". With a small smile Szayel bent before Grimmjow and held out one of his hand's to the other's face. Grimmjow froze as that smell hit his nose again and he stared at the hand.

Starrk noticed Grimmjow's lack of fighting and looked up as well. In Szayel's hand was a small rubber ball with a hole in it. "You can let him go now Starrk" Szayel told him and with a wary look to the Sexta he lifted himself off. Grimmjow immediately reached for the ball but it was pulled out of his reach. Szayel handed the ball to Starrk and informed "I suggest running to his room now and throwing the ball in there once you arrive". And with that last bit Szayel left. Starrk stared after him then looked back down at Grimmjow and noticed the look the other was giving the ball in his hand. Groaning Starrk took off, Grimmjow following him immediately. Starrk had to sonido away several times in order to stay out of the cat man's reach. Once they were at Grimmjow's room Starrk opened the door and tossed the ball in, Grimmjow following after it seconds later. Starrk slammed the door shut and dropped to the floor to rest against the wall.

He rubbed his face exhaustedly and glanced at the door. He cracked the door open and glanced in, noticing that Grimmjow was rolling around on the floor chasing after the ball. The sight made him tired just by watching. With a yawn he turned Grimmjow's lock then closed the door. Now that his job was done he was going to go take a nap.

~time skip~

Grimmjow moaned as his head throbbed. Shifting slightly he rolled over so that he could go back to sleep but something kept him from doing so. Cracking an eye open and hissing as the headache got worse he noticed that his bed was above him. Scrunching his eyebrows in confusion he stared at it for a moment before crawling out from under it. He glanced around his room and noticed with confusion that it looked like a hurricane went through it, everything was a mess. He gently rubbed his head and glanced down at himself, blinking a couple times in confusion when he noticed he was naked.

"What the fuck happened?" Grimmjow growled out loud and winced as his head gave another throb, last thing he remembered was going to the meeting, drinking his tea, seeing a red light then nothing; sure there were a snatch or two of scents but they only left him more confused. Grimmjow grabbed his clothes and pulled them on then went to leave his room only to find the door locked from the inside. Scowling in even more confusion he unlocked his door and left the room, he was gonna get answers damn it.

As Grimmjow walked down the hall his headache became less painful. He sighed tiredly and looked around, looking for some one who would give him the answers he wanted. He didn't know if he should praise or curse god when the person who came down the hall was Szayel. "Oi crazy, what the hell happened yesterday?" Grimmjow snapped as he stormed up to the man.

"What do you mean Sexta?" Szayel asked as he adjusted his glasses.

"Don't bullshit me what happened, I remember drinking my tea, seeing a red spot then nothing at all" Grimmjow growled.

"Hm well if you must know someone drugged you with a plant from the human world" Szayel commented with a slightly amused tone.

"Someone drugged me! How the fuck did they drug me?" he growled as he glared at the pinkette.

"Simple it was in your tea" Szayel informed him.

"Then why did it only effect me, everyone else was drinking the same damn tea" Grimmjow snapped with a hiss.

"Simple, because you are the only feline arrancar here; it was a drug that effects cats" Szayel explained in his all knowing voice that always pissed Grimmjow off.

"How the hell do you know all this? Did you do it?" Grimmjow snapped as he grabbed Szayel by the front of his jacket.

Szayel scoffed and waved his hand "I know everything you neandrethal, I recognized the symptoms when you started running around the room; it was quite amusing when you fought Aizen over his chair, seems someone had spread the plant all over it".

Grimmjow paled at hearing that and exclaimed "I did what?!".

"It's true, you jumped up on the table and ran around after a red spot. You knocked over many things and finally lunged at Aizen when it landed on him. After that you chased it around the floor then when it disappeared you fought with Aizen over the chair and pushed him out of it" Szayel explained to him with no small amount of amusement coloring his voice.

The headache that had been going away came back with a vengance and Grimmjow groaned, rubbing his forehead. "Are you alright Sexta?" Szayel asked with fake concern causing Grimmjow to growl at him.

"Shut up asshole, I have a headache from hell thanks to that shit; I woke up under my bed to a trashed out room" he snapped as his eye twitched, there was no way he was going to tell him about waking up in the buff.

Szayel hummed thoughtfully with a nod "well you aren't a mortal feline so there was bound to be side effects with the amount you consumed, perhaps in small doses it would be fine but in large quantities you would act as you did yesterday. Can you describe how it first made you feel before the moment you can't remember?".

Grimmjow frowned and he thought back, now that he thinks about it he felt like there was a warm tingly feeling that had spread through his body after he drank his tea, he had felt great. "Warm and tingly" he grunted with a glare.

Szayel had a small smile and pulled a vial from his pocket "how would you like to have some for later? In small doses it will not effect you as it had when you consumed so much of it, just make you feel good".

"What are you doing with it" He growl, about ready to summon pantera to rip the bastard apart.

"I aquired some yesterday to study after your little episode, I thought maybe you'd like a little bit as a sort of consolation for what happened to you yesterday" Szayel informed.

Grimmjow stared at him and the little vial for a few moments before swiping it and pocketing it "Don't think I'm gonna use this shit".

"Of course not" Szayel said with a small smile before walking away. Grimmjow stood there for a moment before wandering back to his room. He stared around at the mess he had made in his drugged out state. Something red caught his eye and he walked over, picking it up from the floor. It was a small red ball with a hole in it. He stared at it for a moment then took a sniff of it; it smelled like green tea and mint. His eye twitched and he took the vial from his pocket. He uncorked it and sniffed the contents, it smelled like the ball. His eye twitched again and he carried both items over to his bed.

He sat there for a moment and thought over everything he heard. Someone was gonna pay for what happened to him he was certain of that; no one made a fool of him and got away with it. He sniffed the weird plant again, the feeling from yesterday coming back to his mind. "Well... he did say a little bit wouldn't do anything" he muttered to himself as he tapped the bottle and put a little bit in his hand. After staring at it for a moment he brought it to his mouth and licked the contents from his palm. He sat there a moment, waiting. At first he was going to give up on the stuff but then suddenly he felt the same tingly warm feeling from before, just not as potent as it was yesterday. He twitched a bit and couldn't stop the purr that rubbled in his throat, damn that did feel good. He tucked the vial away in his nightstand then laid down in his bed, the ball in his hands.

He looked at the ball for a moment or two before tossing it in the air and catching it, feeling a small spark of playfullness bubble up in him. Okay so he had to admit that this human plant made him feel great but he wasn't going to constantly do this, just when he was the most pissed off and frustrated; he didn't want another calamity like yesterday to happen.


End file.
